Enjoying the holidays possible with mental illness

Dec. 09--STANFORD -- Tosha and Chris Maaks and their sons -- Justin, 17, and Cory and Cale, 15-year-old twins -- decorated their family Christmas tree with ornaments of significance to the family.

Tosha, for example, hung an ornament with their names and that of her older son, Colton, 22, as well as an ornament from her childhood. Cale hung an ornament that he made as a young boy.

"The holidays were a source of stress for me, but Chris helped me to develop new traditions with the kids to make the holidays happy," Tosha, 39, said in the Maaks's Stanford family home as tree decorating continued during the evening of Nov. 29. Those traditions include decorating the family tree together, then watching "The Polar Express."

"That is a big source of comfort to me," Tosha said. "My family is the reason I survive."

Many people experience increased anxiety during the holidays. For people with mental illness -- such as anxiety disorder, depression and bipolar disorder -- the holidays can be even more of a struggle.

Tosha knows. She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depressive illness), post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

But Tosha has a message for people with mental illness and their family members and friends: It is possible to enjoy the holidays. But it takes planning, effort and understanding.

Tosha's self-care strategies -- which include keeping up with her prescribed medications -- as well as her family Christmas traditions "bring me comfort and reassurance that, even when bad things happen, there is light at the end of the tunnel," she said.

"I was 14 when my dad told me on Thanksgiving that he was leaving," Tosha recalled. "That left a bad taste in my mouth with the holidays."

Tosha already was struggling. She was sure that she had ADHD "but my mom was anti-meds." Without medication, Tosha struggled in school.

"I was a big girl who was very elaborate, energetic and bossy. I would cry at the drop of a hat," the Bloomington native recalled. "So I was bullied in school."

She argued a lot with her mom. Tosha had Colton when she was 17. She met Chris two years later and they married in 1997.

"Chris has been the biggest blessing of my life," she said.

"When we met, her doctor had her on medicine for depression," said Chris, 39. But her doctor suggested she also see a psychiatrist, who diagnosed her, in 2004, with bipolar disorder, which causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity level and the ability to carry out daily tasks.

Her psychiatrist prescribed a mood-stabilizing drug, which helped. Later, she was diagnosed with ADHD.

While the medication helped, Tosha still experienced episodes of mania, which ranged from being happy and getting a lot done to "angry mania" of being paranoid, throwing things and slamming doors.

"And when I'm depressed, there are days when it's hard to get off the couch," she said.

In 2008, voices told her to kill herself and she attempted suicide by overdosing on her medication. Chris found her and called 911.

"I was put on anti-psychotic medication. The voices went away, I no longer have suicidal thoughts and I got rid of the angry, mean manic moments," Tosha said. "It saved my life."

Chris put all her addictive medication in a safe and he doles it out to her. "I feel safer because of that," Tosha said.

She was arrested twice for DUI in 2013 -- once when she was involved in a single-vehicle accident with no injuries and once when she was swerving -- but she wasn't drinking either time. She was drowsy because of her medication.

"I had no alcohol in my system but it didn't matter," she admitted. "I was impaired. I haven't driven since."

Tosha quit working in fall 2015 because -- even though she generally has her mania and depression under control -- she can't guarantee her reliability as an employee.

"As someone with bipolar disorder, I am unreliable because, within hours, I can have a mood swing where I can't handle something that I was able to handle that morning," she said. "It's very frustrating."

To keep her symptoms under control, Tosha takes her medications as prescribed, goes to her doctor and therapy appointments, writes down and accomplishes three goals each day, spends time with family, tries to keep up with housework, crochets to calm her anxiety and takes care of herself, including getting enough sleep.

The holidays add to her stress, but Tosha has strategies to help:

* "If I have a houseful (of people), I have to give myself space," Tosha said. "If may tell Chris, 'You need to get me out of here to let my brain have a break.'"

* "When I have mania, my spending habits are out of control. So when I go shopping without Chris, I can only take cash."

* "I plan ahead. A crowded area can be a trigger. So if I'm shopping, I carry emergency meds (Xanax) to calm me down and I'll have Chris or another support person with me. If the store is overcrowded and the lines are long, I will tell him 'We need to leave.'"

* "My mom's family has a holiday get-together on Jan. 1. They know I have mental illness and know that they may only get me for one hour and they are happy with that."

* Tosha tries to cook and clean but if a friend or relative volunteers to cook a meal or help with housework, she accepts the offer.

* "I try to build new traditions," she said. The family practice of decorating the tree together and watching "The Polar Express" is an example.

"My message to people with mental illness is 'Be patient with yourself. Take care of yourself,'" Tosha said.

Her message to others?

"We're just like everyone else," Tosha said. "We just struggle a little harder to make things happen."

***

Latest gallery in this section

Work workout: 17 jobs that promote fitness

Get home and garden tips sent to your email inbox

Sign Up!

Pantagraph.com Home and Garden

Obituaries

I understand and agree that registration on or use of this site consitutes agreement to its user agreement and privacy policy.

Follow Paul Swiech on Twitter: @pg_swiech

___

(c)2016 The Pantagraph (Bloomington, Ill.)

Visit The Pantagraph (Bloomington, Ill.) at www.pantagraph.com

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.